What’s my calling

If you could choose a favourite career, what would it be? For me, I have different favourites at different stages of life. When I was in primary and secondary school, I wanted to be a lawyer. I thought I could debate quite well. I enjoyed that satisfaction each time I successfully close a winning ‘conversation’, each time I could present my ‘case’ with confidence. I argued with my parents frequently and they told me I have a flair for that. I agree with them. I know right, how is this relevant to being a lawyer. They may have been sarcastic after all. Haha. I grew up learning that being a lawyer takes a lot of good brain cells, the extremely intellectual kind. My kind of results in school reflected that I would probably not get a decent paying job (in the context of us Singaporeans), let alone being a lawyer. F9 all the way. What was I thinking!? Immediately after scrapping away this ambitious ambition, there was a calling for nursing. But of course not a doctor. F9 all the way, doctor, my foot. Nursing for it feels great being able to help the needy. I grew up again, learning that being a nurse takes a lot of patience and courage, the extremely angelic kind. My kind of results could get me in, but, the angels were not on my side. I fear blood, death and attachments. I held back. It was too much of an emotional environment for me to work in. Moving on, I chose Hospitality. Hospital to hospitality wasn’t too different. Read it aloud and you will fathom what I am saying. Lol. On a serious note, the former provides service and care for patients, the latter provides service and care for guests. Bingo. I love traveling and dining. For someone who enjoys both of that, it wasn’t too difficult to understand how hospitality works. It was easy scoring points as I understood the expectations towards traveling and dining. I am now 13 years into hospitality (relevant studies inclusively). Enough is enough? (Something I have learnt not to say. I have said it once when I wanted to exit this industry, and I failed to leave.) Midway this 13 years, wanderlust hit me and I admired influencers, lifestyle and travel bloggers who travelled for a living. How luxurious it is being able to travel without limitations. So I wished I could be them. But I really have no tricks to attracting followers or sponsors. Where do I start? It is expensive to travel these days. I am not at that level yet. As I age, I become less sociable (offline and online) and so, another mission aborted. Talking about social media, it can be stressful. One wrong word, you are out. One right word, perceived differently, you are out too. Whatever you do and say, all eyes on you. So no, I rather retain my privacy. No haters please. Recent years, I explored joining special schools to train Hospitality Topics. Again, I halt this mission as I still fear attachments and I still do not have that angelic patience. So what’s my next calling? I am only certain that wherever I go next, I must be able to value add with my 13 years of experience in hospitality as well as what I have been specialised in – learning and development. It must be meaningful. I must be able to touch lives and grow as a person. Sounds cliché, and recruiters would probably roll their eyes at me if I say that. Conclusion, I have no idea what is my next favourite career at this point in my life. In short, I am lost lah. And so… I am just writing.

Oh Wells

On sick leave for the past three days. Experienced hell and was no fun at all. It could be better if the body and mind is at rest. Unfortunately, in my case, I was not able to rest properly. A big part of me feels really guilty for being absent at work. Talking about work… I am better off not talking about it. Drink up more h20 my friends. Exercise whenever. Do not be like me.

Moffee and I

Moffee

Moffee is a new member at home. He’s erm… a little mischievous just because he’s not toilet trained. Otherwise, he’s perfect. Looking at him cleaning himself at this time is so therapeutic. It’s amazing how a bunny can be so human. He keeps silent when I’m in bed. This was my main concern if I may confess. I heard bunnies are mostly awake at night? So I was worried Moffee was going to make some noise while I am busy snoozing. Fortunately, nothing like that has happened so far and let’s keep it that way. We are good! Moffee is good!

Where do I start?

Currently in a very cold place. Is this space still a safe hideout from the cold place? I used to be careful in hiding the frustrations but sometimes life throws you too many cases and you decide to pull up the brake. Why cover up and grow lumps, literally? Let it out. Well, I have to admit I do not fancy sharing the negative energy to the environment. So maybe this is the avenue to let out. Where do I start?

Right Now

What is most important for you in your life right now?

What is most important for you in your life right now if you die tomorrow?

Now, these two sentences make a huge difference. I used to have very different, standard answers for the two questions. Recently, as I witness more of life and death, the answers for the two questions have become similar. The list under what is most important for you in your life right now should be the list under what is most important for you in your life right now if you die tomorrow. This isn’t about pessimism anymore. This really is about cherishing every moment and not wait till the day your life is taken away. Many times, we hear ourselves saying, “See how it goes…” or “When I am free…” but before we reach there, the things we want to say or do may have already slipped off our mind. By the time it comes back to your mind, meaning is lost. In life, we have also been dying to accomplish many things and in the midst of doing so, we forgot to live. Year after year, I see people setting resolutions for the new year and by the end of the year, they either tick on their checklist or they cannot be bothered because they could not follow through. As for me, I have a habit of not setting new year resolutions, not because I am not ambitious and I have no goals, but simply because I have master the art of doing what I want, almost right away. If it is something I really want to achieve, why wait? Similarly for my birthday wishes, I always wish the same for myself and that is, “May everything be as good as now”. For that, I am accountable to myself for making things right and good in every moment I breathe and live. Of course, life isn’t smooth sailing all the time, but I always remind myself to fix it NOW and not say, “See how it goes…” Seriously, waiting is a waste of time. Also, we have to speak our mind and not follow the Singaporeans Culture where we are almost considered as a very high context culture where message is typically indirect, meaning and content in communication comes from what is not said and it is your job to figure out what people are trying to say. A large part of meaning is non-verbal and if you are good at reading between the lines, you get it. I am not quite a fan of this because I cannot understand why people cannot be straightforward. They hold back feelings, hold back words and the other party will have to do a lot of guessing and then again, time is wasted!

We could decide to mourn in our lonely souls what could have been done, said, treasured OR decide to do, to say to treasure right now without any hold back. Let’s not learn the word “regret”.

How April and May passed by

I could hardly recall the details how April and May went by. Sometimes it felt like I was chasing time, other times I wished they sped up for me. I left my job without a job and I don’t call it a brave act because it was in my plans anyway. I just didn’t know it would take me a longer time to look for a new career – one which keeps me driven and in love. I went around Singapore literally looking for one and along the way, I lost my motivation and the likings for this small Country. A few of the interviewers I have met flat out said I am too short. I wondered… You called me up because you were interested to explore opportunities after scrutinizing my CV but you lost the interest almost immediately after we greeted. All these jobs I applied to certainly do not require a height limit to perform hence I would call this a prejudice. Where are the heart of all these people? Do they even know that if there should be one person who should be dealing with my height issues, that person is me? Not even them to start with. I have come this far and obviously I must have dealt with being height challenged ever since the height differences became apparent. 

Other than looking for a suitable career, I have been trying not to wipe out my savings but somehow I still did. Especially these couple of days after signing on a new appointment! I have taken up the position as a learning and development manager of a collection hotel and this hotel, unlike my previous, does not supply uniform. This is how all the expensive shopping episodes started. I had to purchase new shoes, new clothes, new jackets, new pants, new skirts…That looks smart and appropriate for the workplace. That’s pretty headache for me because I am never a fashion plate as much I aspire to be. My short legs wouldn’t allow too nice a thing on me and my face doesn’t show “I am a manager”. My size… Let’s not go there. I already had a tough time looking for a size 0 or size 2 or even a size 4 for my poor little pair of feet. I also hate alteration and tailor making because they cost a bomb to get good ones and what is the point of getting a pair of pants at over $40 and another $30 to cut the waist and length? I am going nuts on this shopping thingy especially when you open up the wardrobe and you see NOTHING you can put on to look SMART/HOTELIER enough. 

The kinder side of these two months is having completed my course and I am officially ACTAfied. I also had the time to stay in bed a little longer than usual, catching up on books, movies, bitchy american dramas and this! Blogging!

23 May 2014

One day.

I bid farewell to this place.

Again.

 

Job Hunting

I do have my bad days too. Long gone the glamorous days where the job comes knocking on my door. Job hunting… to me is just getting to know the ugly side of how some HR does their recruitment. Some play you out when they found someone not necessary better, but cheaper. Some go back on their words and some disappear into thin air. I hope one day, these recruiters know the pain. I do not understand why recruiters are dishonest about the little things. Why do they not bother going through your CV before scheduling the interview. Some recruiters show no homework done. I was a recruiter myself and I know perfectly how the recruitment process ethically works and I am disappointed to know many organizations have zero business ethics.

I am very desperate for a job. As much as I know how to enjoy life, I also need the moolahs to keep it going. But I am also very stubborn and wouldn’t want to settle down for a good job in a bad culture. Now I am actively looking for a suitable job with my best friends namely jobsdb, jobstreet… and I cross my fingers everyday hoping Singapore has something for a Singaporean like me.

Ever wonder?

Have you ever wondered why is there such a gap between Men and Women? Like why do we love keeping diaries, reading love stories, watching romantic drama and movies but men are often quite the opposite. Of course, there are proven facts from the pros who have analyzed this but I just like to wonder…and I know for sure this has something to do why women hurt so much easier than men. Why women are sensitive weak animals and why we go deeper in our thoughts… Given a choice, I would still choose to be a woman for I believe humans should have strong feelings, that is what a heart is for. We are born to care about everything around us, that’s how a good human should be. On the contrary, I know that times when I am hurt, I choose to be a man instead for there is lesser pain, I don’t know, I would guess so…and so you tell me.

Anyway, to side track on my thoughts today. My dreams are pretty distorted lately and I managed to revisit my wishful ambitions. What were my real ambitions before I knew my shortfalls, before I knew my limitations. First ambition was to be a lawyer. Just because I think being a lawyer makes one feel good and obviously one must be smart enough to be a lawyer. Whatever you say must makes sense and each sentence you put out is a deciding factor. Challenging jobs like this is satisfying. My second ambition was to be a nurse! Helping others and saving lives…I still think this is the one of the most noble jobs in the world. Too bad I cannot deal with emotions and the pool of blood. Finally, my most wishful ambition was to be a travel journalist or those presenters you see on TLC. All these ambitions have long been locked aside… then once in awhile, they appear in my dreams. 😉

Breaking Routines

Hello.

Whoever still reads?

I’m in today.

Packed my quite empty luggage and flew over to Bangkok. In hope to search for inner peace even though I knew that this was temporary cure. If only I had more to spend, I would now already be in Florida, a place I called my third home. I really wish to go back there, where there are no expectations and smiles are just that straightforward. When did things become so difficult, I have no idea. Anyway, came over and thankfully my uni mate I knew in Switzerland put me up in his condo and I must say, I am really fortunate because of the strategic location (just beside the Four Seasons and St. Regis Hotel- stone throw away to Central World and Platinum Mall). Most of the time, I am alone, other times I would meet up my uni friends for Lunch and Dinner. I can say, I really give a pat on my own shoulders having broken many records. I mean, would you go to Chatuchak alone? Brave that crowded lanes and bargain on your own? Back in China, it was tough but it wasn’t this tough because I could pull off as a mainlander and even better, fake that Chinese accent and then I am totally safe. Here in Bangkok, I can pull off as a Thai but once I am expected to talk… FAIL. And so, I did a lot of exploring alone and I conquered (for awhile) height phobia. What happened was at times when my friend could not drive me to my destination, I had to take the BTS Sky Train. If the traffic and security was top rated, I would have taken a taxi anyway. Taking the Sky Train takes hell lots of COURAGE and TALKING-TO-MYSELF and I literally sweat this small stuff. The stations are so high up and I tried looking for elevators but to no avail. Now this may sound hilarious to you but sometimes I loiter around a little bit and wait for a group of people and quietly quickly just follow behind them up the stairs to take the train. Sounds crazy right? But I am really scared of heights la… They say, if you cannot take the Sky Train, you cannot live in Bangkok. So, I’m definitely OUT. Oh btw, something more ridiculous to share. I went to catch Spiderman movie alone today and while settling down comfortably on the seat, EVERYONE in the theatre suddenly stood up! I thought, “WHAT? Earthquake? WRONG theatre?” but actually… it was to pay respect to the King. Well, something new. Anyway, this solo trip is coming to an end and I am proud to have done many new things alone… I am also very thankful for my dear friend who has been feeding me with a lot of yummylicious food that can never be found here in Singapore, at least to me. He has taken great care of me and I am just extremely grateful for his precious time and hospitality. I have been missing him and thinking a lot about our times together in Suisse. Now this trip really makes up for the nostalgic feelings.

Where is next? 🙂

Best shot on flight

J.