17th November 2009

Once again, I was being hit. Very hard. However, there was no hero. I picked myself up and I took it as a wakeup call. I did my silent prayers and I become even stronger. The world watches me, they await my fall, but hey, I am still smiling. I’ll try to keep this curve up as long as I can. Something amazes me though…that people depend their happiness on the failures of others. How unfortunate. Me, I will still pray for them that they realise that there are more values in life they should try to understand. So for now, after putting down my thoughts into words, I will move on and be stronger. I mean, twice stronger.

-The stars are my eyes..they are position in such a way that your smile can be vision from different angle-

Nightmare

Hey there, it’s been awhile. I have alot to say but then I cannot seem to find the right place so I ended up here at my familiar place. Life in school has been like a nightmare. Probably worst than that but I cannot find the right word to describe…so nightmare it shall be.

Part one of nightmare is terrible.

I have been working with 5 other people for a business proposal. Although we work in a group, the marks are given individually. . As you know, there are different parts to be done in a proposal, such as executive summary, human resources, legislation, financial, marketing, operational design and things like that…And I did my part, in addition I covered some other parts due to the fact that this girl has been taking it rather slow and we all couldn’t just sit and wait for her part to be done…But when it was done by me from scratch, I sent to the group members for them to verify and to carry on from there. However, you would never expect that the girl actually took my work and touch up alittle maybe just added in a total of extra 20 words, and then sent it to the other members saying, “Here’s my part..” That act was not only disappointing, but also amusing. At that point of time when I saw my work being taken without shame, I would want to think its a big fat joke, but I couldn’t laugh. Because I spent alot of sleepless nights doing projects, I could not just let her take advantage of me. I held a meeting with the other members, telling them about the case and to check if they still have all the evidence that I was the one who did that part of the project. They all wanted to confront her, to kick her out of the group, to write an email to the tutor…In the end, I was the calm one. I msned her in hope that we could talk things out. I asked her why did she do that and throughout the conversation, she was flaring up at me, using rude phrases and still insisted that the part should be under her name. For awhile, I became soft hearted so I thought of plan B, which is to put both our names under that part. I tried all ways to keep my contribution and effort but she was still fucking angry. Having wasted so much time arguing, I just said, ” FINE! YOU TAKE IT AND DON”T BOTHER ME FOR NOW. I AM BUSY”. So she became happy…and I became the bad person as people start telling me that she cried for an hour over this. I cannot understand why. She took my part, the whole thing, and still cry over it? Well..well…then it was presentation day today. After the presentation, the tutor gave feedbacks and was super pleased with every content that she presented but fuck, I did it, not her… I know I shouldn’t be complaining because I gave it to her afterall. However…

Okay, moving on to part 2 of nightmare.

2 surface friends of mine told me that they argued over me. They were discussing about my height and were asking if I am taller than one of the girls we know. When I said I am shorter, they continued their discussion and Girl A said, “You see, I told u la! She so short, how can anyone be shorter?! YEA I WIN!”. And then how should I react then? I just smiled. I am always discussed for many wrong reasons.

Then next scene..Girl B and I was joking and then suddenly she said, “You short and fat la..HAHA”. And then I lost immediately… I didn’t know how to carry on our conversation. Always, when I joke with friends, I just need them to say that sentence and I could just shut up forever.

And then during lunch, Girl C was telling her friends about my breasts. She said, “Last night her breasts were so disgustingly big!” And she asked me, “Did you do anything to it?”. And she added on, “Your breasts were as big as mine when I was in Semester 2. I was so FAT in sem 2″. Then they carried on their discussion about my breasts.

So I know what they all meant. I am really ok when people tease me about my height. You can make many remarks about it. I know the fact and I know I have to accept it but it is different and difficult to take it like that. I face new ways of “tease” everyday. What’s new tomorrow?

I….have nothing else more to say.

p.s: I am sick of myself feeling this way, I really am and I am sorry.

Don’t ever give up on me, please.

Hello everyone, it’s sad that I haven’t been able to write… I have been sleeping only for 3 hours a day since 2 weeks ago and my body isn’t functioning as per normal. I’ll promise to tell lots of stories once I am done with this semester, probably 1st of December. By then, I’ll make sure you don’t have the time to catch up. Still, I think of each and everyone of you every single day. Sometimes, I just want to exchange a few words however I find that it isn’t sincere to do so because I want to spend more time..not just Hello, byebye. From the bottom of my heart, I question myself everyday how are you doing…Don’t wish to know that you were once sad and helpless, yet I wasn’t there to even listen. The “you” here is everyone of you in my life. Please be patient with me, for I will do you proud. Don’t ever drift too far. Let’s not lose each other because I am just not coming in for awhile. Maybe time and time again, out of the blue, I will write something…That is if time allows me to.

Don’t ever give up on me, please.

+41 76 766 7348 this is where you can hear me.

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如果我所有的不幸是代替快乐与幸福给周围的人，我无所谓。

Paris

Second time to Paris, I have seen more but the family was missing. It could have been better. Still, you can tell from the pictures that I ate alot of yummmmmy food, and been to alot of wonderful places, seen many beautiful faces. There was half a day when I went travelling alone and it was a real good experience, however, travelling alone is not my style. Many say paris is a romantic place, but I didn’t quite feel it… This could be my last time there. So goodbye paris.

 

 

Helpless night

Hello world! I am finally back from Paris. This is my second trip there and many things are still the way it is. I will just cut the story short and talk about something bad which happened to my friend and I. Please don’t tell my mum.

Basically, our train was stucked for 1.5 hours in midway tunnel of France on our way back to Suisse. In the end, we missed the last bus from Fribourg to Bulle. It was impossible to walk home. The taxi ride would costs us 100 CHF, and you can do your own math…We didn’t think it was worth to spend the money thus we decided to put up in the train station and wait for the first bus ride. However, to our dismay, the police came and told us that we are not allowed to sleep inside as the whole station will be locked up. We then locked our luggages in the station and moved out to the streets. Because we used up our coins for the locker, we had no coins for toilet. There was no one around for exchange. Realising that it was dangerous and cold, we decided to head to the pub as it was the only open-till-late place. Unfortunately, the few hours there was a torture for me. Many guys approached and asked if I would love to have some pleasure. They started to talk about money and sex. One came, one left, the next came and so on… For that few hours, I was helpless. They talked dirty to me, they tried pulling me away, and the worst moment was when they tried to lure my friend away as she was constantly protecting me against their touch. At 3am, I could take it no more and thus we left the pub. The temperature outside was 6 degrees and we tried to find somewhere safe to rest but the only place to sit was at the bus stop…We could not take the kind of cold, plus, there were some blacks walking around…In the end, we went under the bridge. We then heard some people trying to steal the bicycles behind and we had to keep silent so as to prevent them from hearing us. i hid behind qian. It was really dramatic and I was reminded of the movie, “The pursuit of happiness”. We were hungry (as the last time we ate was 1pm), cold (I didn’t wear enough), tired (there was no place to sit), and I wanted to just sleep however my friend qian told me to stay awake as I might fall sick sleeping under the cold weather. Fyi, body temp is lowest at sleep. So we spent the whole night finding, moving, hiding….

I never imagined myself having this day. To laugh or to cry? I don’t want to talk about the details because I am trying to forget about it…At least, the train masters could have help us. It wasn’t our fault that we missed the last bus home. Right now, I am still in abit of SHOCK.

And the pictures above show our hiding place. Not as nice and clean as shown in the pictures…

Fucking helpless.

Wonder

Suddenly, the mood kicks in and since lappie isn’t with me, I’m writting on itouch, alittle difficult to type.. It’s almost three in the morning and I wondered again what everyone is up to at nine am singapore time. Is dad missing me? I dreamt of his I love u my daughter again. Is mum still in bed ? I can’t wait to tell her that my group top a project even though some mean people had malicious intentions to sabotage. Though it’s a mini thing, it is proven that evil can never truly triumph. And then I wonder if dino bff feels better after receiving my postcard since she has been home with a routine she isn’t use to living with. I also wonder when will hunny post her party pictures, as I heard that da jie sent a bday dress for her all the way from states and she looked gorgeous that night. Haha when will my newyorker bro do that for me? Next I wonder when will i have the time to catch up with camy Jiaxin and godsis shermin. Oh and how is my Dyan coping? Hmm, midterm break is days away and many students are going home, if only Singapore is near…one week is too rush. Ok so I wonder will I enjoy paris? I have been there and my impression is robbery, eiffel, Chanel. I am not a fan of branded stuff because I can’t carry it off with style since well…I am short.

I wonder how you’re doing?
And my friend is packing her luggage.. When can I go home?

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ooVoo

So near yet so far

Amazing how technology works. ooVoo allows video chat up to 6 people at once. Today, we played some games via the video chat and I couldn’t recall when was the last time I laughed out that loud. Oh how I miss 99 and my family… Anyway I maybe leaving for paris and london in two weeks time! It is my midterm break and I am definitely getting out of Bulle for good! And I am so damn excited because elder brother clyric has agreed to meet us in December. Even though all of us are in different parts of the world, we are finally going to reunite. Mum has booked a 2 weeks eastern europe tour, mainly to Germany, Czech Republic, Poland, Slovakia, Hungary, Austria and guess what, the last stop for the tour is SWITZERLAND. Thus, the family will be extending their stay here and I cannot wait to show them around…

Time to brush up my french!