Am I the only child in this family?

I dont want to name it as burden. 
But when stress and tiredness is too much a hassle to handle, you know it is burden. It is not the family that is tying me down. It is your irresponsibility, your self-centeredness and your “contribution” for the family. Have you ever questioned yourself how much have you done for the family. What can you do for the family?

For other families, maybe a job of any son or daughter is just to focus on studies. However can you bring yourself to say that it is the same for our family? We have a family business and you know it. Business is getting better, and you know it. Father used to be up in his room when the clock strikes 12am. Now..He can be seen doing all his paper work till 1am at least. And when we wake at 7am, he is already out for work on the road. Yes, I pity him. For being a boss yet still slogging his way through for a better you and me. Despite his sacrifices, there is so little you can do. We don’t ask much from you. Just tuesday nights and sunday mornings to helpout. You are extremely busy, we try to figure, but with what!? I am extremely busy, with work, school, piano and such. However, you don’t hear me grumbling. I still wake up on sunday morning when that is the only day I can breathe. You still see me helping on tuesday night even if I have a paper the following day. And I have been doing this since 9. Where were you then? Helping me once is enough? That I should be grateful enough not to complain further? Hello, this is not about who do more, who do less, who has more benefits, who can be better..It is about family, your responsibility to share as a SON.

So I’ve long accepted the fact that you will no longer be helping me, helping us. We have more or less given up on asking you to help. However it SUCKS when I return home, back to 3rd floor, wanting to talk to you, yet you are ‘kind’ enough to return an attitude which always prove to me that I have either said the wrong thing or there at the wrong time. I bought you our favourite sweet, just that I didnt place it nicely on your table and the next thing you did was to throw it on my bed mistaken that I do not want the sweet myself, angry at me for leaving it on your bed. FINE. If this is not enough..How about times when I needed help with the computer and all that I needed was 2 minutes and you couldnt even deliver it properly. Is it so difficult for you to get down from the 3rd floor?

Then today, I supported mum in buying the limited edition gold plated sony hp. You ’supported’ by happily naming the disadvantages when you know that mum knows very little about gadgets, when you know mum just needs it to call. When you know that she dont even know how to use the camera, how to sms, how to enjoy the features. When you know that she just wants to be happy that she has her own hp. You say $700 is not worth it when you can tell that she likes the hp. Do you need to make her feel so bad for having the intention to buy a $700 hp?

Then I finally kept you quiet when I said, “Can you please give a thought for her?! I am already guilty enough that she is using the old phone I used to use, the phone which dropped into a river..For all her life, have you seen her using a proper hp!? Have you seen her enjoying the usage of technology? You are even using a better hp than her when she is our mum and when she has all rights to use a better one than yours. If she has been working hard for years, what is $700. She deserves luxury, and you don’t. NOT YET. Is it fair to stop her from buying things she likes? Not to mention just getting a hp to contact dad, me and you! To always ask about your stupid whereabouts, whether you are coming home for dinner, what time are you coming home and stupid questions like that!”.

If you didnt catch my words carefully just now, you can always read the above paragraph as many times as you want.

You should be glad I didnt recommend vertu to her.

Recently, I find it hard communicating with you. I don’t know if its age that is catching up with you thus the changes in you or you simply think that we are coping well. So is this the only way left…Hope you come across this entry. And for goodness sake, of all things that you do, remember that she is our mum, how much she has done and is still doing for this family. She deserves it. There is nothing more noble than a mother’s heart. What we ask for is more of your understanding, a better attitude, your accountability. Don’t stray too far.

Seems like I’m the only child in the family now that clyric is far away..